Generations scarred for life by Star Wars Holiday Special
Krypton Radio News Wire
In 1978 a horror befell the world of television, it was made with good intentions, but the producers and writers never could have expected the outcome to have been this bad. On November 17, 1978 – The Star Wars Holiday Special was broadcast on network television to an unsuspecting audience; who would come to wonder why George Lucas had turned on his fans in such a vicious and cruel way. Did he hate us? Was he trying to convince us that his movie wasn’t that good after all? The populace wandered the streets of major cities for days, crying, setting cars on fire and wondering why aliens were watching Jefferson Starship with Art Carney as backup.
While the apocalypse was thought to have included four-horsemen, it was never imagined that it would be three Wookies and Beatrice Arthur. We may never know the full extent of the reason for the devastation unleashed by CBS on its viewers that day; some reports from police agencies included multiple calls of people who had lost the will to live. Fire crews rushed to extinguish a record number of televisions which had caught fire after being blasted with shotguns, and at least one church minster who asked if God had forsaken us after the viewing of the show.
The Star Wars Holiday Special had brought untold levels of destruction and misery to television viewers everywhere, streets flooded with the blood of innocents while cats and dogs were reported to be sleeping together. When the Devil was asked to comment about his involvement, he stated that even he could not have come up with something this deeply disturbing, and that he had a new found respect for George Lucas. United States President Jimmy Carter addressed the nation shortly after the broadcast, and denied rumors that the Soviet Union had captured the CBS studios and were using psychological warfare against the American people.
From the official wiki on “How to Torture Humanity In 3 Easy Steps”:
The Star Wars Holiday Special is a 1978 American television special set in the Star Wars galaxy. It was one of the first official Star Warsspin-offs, and was directed by Steve Binder. The show was broadcast in its entirety only once, in the United States and Canada, November 17, 1978, on the U.S. television network CBS from 8:00 pm to 10:00 pm, Eastern Standard Time (EST), and on the Canadian television network CTV from 7:00 pm to 9:00 pm, Eastern Standard Time.
In the storyline that ties the special together, Chewbacca and Han Solo visit Kashyyyk, Chewbacca’s home world, to celebrate Life Day. Along the way they are pursued by agents of the Galactic Empire, who are searching for members of the Rebel Alliance on the planet. The special introduces three members of Chewbacca’s family: his father Itchy, his wife Malla, and his son Lumpy (Later retconned to Attichitcuk, Mallatobuck, and Lumpawarrump, respectively).
During the special, scenes also take place in outer space and in spacecraft including the Millennium Falcon and an Imperial Star Destroyer. The variety-show segments and cartoon introduce a few other locales, such as a cantina on the desert planet of Tatooine and a gooey, reddish ocean planet known as Panna.
The program also features many other Star Wars characters, including Luke Skywalker, C-3PO, R2-D2, Darth Vader, Han Solo and Princess Leia Organa (who sings the film’s “theme song”, set to the music of John Williams’ Star Wars theme, near the end). The program includes stock footage from Star Wars, and also features a cartoon produced by Toronto-based Nelvana that officially introduces the bounty hunterBoba Fett.
The special is notorious for its negative reception.Anthony Daniels, in a documentary promoting the worldwide tour of Star Wars: In Concert, notes with a laugh that the Star Warsuniverse includes “The horrible Holiday Special that nobody talks about”. George Lucas did not have significant involvement with the film’s production, and was unhappy with the results. David Acomba, a classmate of Lucas’ at USC film school, had been selected to direct the special, but he chose to leave the project, a decision supported by Lucas.
The Star Wars Holiday Special has never been re-telecast or officially released on home video. It has therefore become the stuff of cultural legend, due to the “underground” quality of its existence, originally being viewed and distributed in off-air recordings made from its original telecast by fans, which were later adapted to content-sharing websites via the Internet.
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is a joke holiday article brought to you by Krypton Radio, George Lucas in reality had very little to do with the horror that is “The Star Wars Holiday Special”. He didn’t write it, didn’t direct it, and actually hates it as much as the rest of the planet. The crew of Krypton Radio would like to wish you and your family a very happy and safe holiday season; we would also like to send a very heartfelt thank you to all of our fans who have supported us during 2011. We look forward to bringing you the best in Sci-Fi, Superhero/Comics, Steampunk, and variety music/news, and entertainment in the 2012 New Year!
Happy Holidays Everyone!
P.S: We love Star Wars too!